It's been a hell of a journey. I don't think i've ever felt such a contrasting and vast amount of emotions in just a few months time span.
"Welcome to your 20s" my english professor laughed as I told her this. One hell of a lady. If it's one thing i'm grateful for these past months; I'm glad I took her class. Not so keen on knowing that I'm just touching the starting point of my 20s... but ya know....
I've turned somewhat bitter against the american school system, mostly my high school education and now my college education. Mind, this semester I felt like I sucked out my soul only taking general education class which I wasn't entirely interested in. Spending so much time, effort, money and not to mention: stress towards subjects which I don't really care for and which don't seem to help me improve as an individual or, as a contributor to current society... Doing things that I don't like doing in order to live on to do things that I don't like doing, so to say. Becoming trapped and controlled within societal expectations.
Call it bitterness or just able to reflect on the reality of the cruelty of life and humans within life.
I've always considered myself to be a fairly open person, and easily able to put my trust in others. It's shifted though.. I feel as if I can't trust people anymore or at least as easily. I've felt deceived, mistreated, and used. When it comes down to it, many only pursue relationships out of self-interest. If you don't meet those interests, you're most-likely no longer wanted. And this is what I say to those $#&*@#$##$# $%@#%%$$:
I've been thinking a lot about this quote I read my senior year of high school, which I've kept in ink within some moleskin since, and it's this:
"I hope you live a life you're proud of. If you find you're not, I hope you have the strength to start all over again."
Mostly I feel well and content, but certain circumstances and people have reached my tipping point. I'm ready to cut out destructive realtionships and pursue healthier surroundings. Couldn't be more ready and ecstatic for my 3 week venture to Europe on my own.. only to rekindle beautiful relationships with all humans, architecture, food, nature, plus some!
Not that the old world is necessarily better than my home, but it's different. And sometimes... Sometimes that's all we need: difference to make a difference ;)
Let's go, Let's go.
